Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
