I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
