I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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