Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
