i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.