You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.