i permit you to call me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
NoShamevember. You game?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.