shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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