You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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