The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize