Old men and throwing up are my life now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
