like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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