the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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