The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
