It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
