This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
