Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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