who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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