Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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