new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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