my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize