the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're a waste of cheezeits
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
