His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize