If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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