I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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