if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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