I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize