I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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