So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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