If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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