she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize