even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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