hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
