His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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