Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche