ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.