Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana