apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."