I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter