can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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