"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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