yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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