I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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