Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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