moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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