Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
