Have you finally orgasmed yet?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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