Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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