I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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