I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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