i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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