Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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