yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize