remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
