tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
