$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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