Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize