Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2