fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.