The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They took my balls.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house